People pleasing is a common behavior that many of us engage in, often without realizing it. It involves putting the needs and desires of others before our own in an effort to gain approval, avoid conflict, or maintain relationships. While there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to make others happy, people pleasing can have negative consequences for our mental health and overall well-being.

When we constantly prioritize the needs of others over our own, all too often we  experience feelings of resentment, frustration, or exhaustion. It stops us from setting healthy boundaries and asserting ourselves in relationships, and prevents us from pursuing our own goals and living a life that is true to ourselves.

It's a common stereotype that women are more likely to be people pleasers than men, but it's important to note that not all women are people pleasers  -  and not all men are not people pleasers.  That said though, some research has suggested that because women typically are more socialized to be more attuned to the needs and feelings of others, and to prioritize relationships and harmony in their interactions with others, that they have a greater tendency to engage in people-pleasing behaviors, such as accommodating others, avoiding conflict, and seeking approval.

Why do so many women struggle to put down their people pleasing persona?

There are several factors that can contribute to people pleasing behavior in women. One of the primary reasons is societal expectations that are placed on women to be nurturing and caring. Women are often expected to take care of others, and as a result, they may feel guilty if they prioritize their own needs over the needs of others. This can lead to a pattern of people pleasing behavior, where they continually put the needs of others ahead of their own.

Another factor that contributes to people pleasing in women is the fear of rejection. Women may feel that they need to please others in order to be liked or accepted. This fear can stem from a variety of sources, including childhood experiences, societal pressure, or personal insecurities. Women who struggle with people pleasing may believe that their worth is tied to their ability to be liked and accepted by others.

Are you a people pleaser? How many of the following traits describe you? 

Saying "yes" to everything: People pleasers often have a hard time saying "no" to requests, even when they're already overwhelmed. They may take on more responsibilities than they can handle in order to avoid disappointing others.

Avoiding conflict: People pleasers may go to great lengths to avoid conflict or disagreement, even if it means sacrificing their own needs or opinions. They may compromise on important issues or keep their feelings bottled up to keep the peace.

Apologizing excessively: People pleasers often feel guilty or responsible for things that aren't their fault, and may apologize excessively as a way to smooth things over or make others feel better.

Ignoring their own needs: People pleasers may put the needs of others before their own, even if it means neglecting their own self-care or well-being.

Seeking approval: People pleasers may go out of their way to seek approval or validation from others, even if it means changing who they are or what they believe.

Being overly accommodating: People pleasers may put the needs of others ahead of their own to the point of sacrificing their own time, resources, or happiness.

Difficulty making decisions: People pleasers may have a hard time making decisions or taking action without the approval or input of others. They may second-guess themselves or feel anxious about making the wrong choice.

Focusing on the negative: People pleasers may be overly critical of themselves and focus on their mistakes or shortcomings, rather than recognizing their strengths and accomplishments. They may feel like they're never good enough, and seek validation from others to feel better about themselves.

Over-explaining: People pleasers may feel the need to justify their actions or decisions to others, even when it's not necessary. They may worry about being judged or misunderstood, and try to preempt any potential criticism or conflict.

If you find yourself constantly seeking approval from others or feeling anxious about disappointing those around you, it may be time to examine your people pleasing tendencies. Recognizing the negative impact of people pleasing and learning to prioritize your own needs and boundaries can be a challenging but rewarding process. By doing so, you can improve your relationships, increase your self-esteem, and live a more fulfilling life.

At the same time, it's important to remember that there is nothing wrong with being kind, compassionate, and considerate of others. The key is to find a balance between meeting the needs of others and taking care of ourselves. By doing so, we can create more authentic, meaningful connections with those around us while also honoring our own values and priorities.

Let's set up some time to meet, and discuss how we can heal from People Pleasing, once and for all!  Set up some time in my calendar here:  https://bit.ly/3CDuMpw