I've been thinking a lot about resentment just lately - probably because so many career women that I am coaching these days are struggling with it, in one form or another. 

Resentment is one of those emotions that can sneak into our hearts without us even realizing it, weighing us down and holding us back from personal growth and happiness. It's that bitter, angry, or indignant feeling that arises when we believe we've been treated unfairly or when our expectations aren't met. It can be directed at anyone or anything, including ourselves.

 When we find ourselves trapped in the grips of resentment, it can be all-consuming. It affects our thoughts, emotions, and even our relationships. It can make us hold onto grudges, fuel our sense of injustice, and make us crave revenge or retribution. And as you can imagine, it becomes a massive roadblock to finding forgiveness, healing, and personal growth.

 It's true that women often struggle with letting go of resentment, and it's not surprising why. It's almost like resentment has become a forbidden emotion to admit to. But research shows that the pressures and challenges faced by working women often go hand in hand with feelings of resentment.

 So why does this happen?

Well, there are some really valid reasons that contribute to this dynamic. One of them, I do believe, is the traditional gender roles and expectations placed on women. These roles tend to involve caretaking and nurturing, which as we all know, pile on a ton of responsibilities. Balancing the roles of caregiver, partner, employee, and more can leave women feeling stretched thin and frustrated, making them more prone to experiencing resentment.

Another factor is the significant amount of unpaid domestic labor that often falls on women's shoul ders. From managing household chores to taking care of children and family members, the unequal distribution of these responsibilities creates feelings of imbalance and frustration. Without enough support or recognition for their efforts, it's completely understandable that women may harbor resentment.

But there is a third huge reason that is emerging, and it looks like it's going to become a firm trend: We all know that more and more women are become the family breadwinner  (and I am all for women earning and achieving more!) - but, being the breadwinner as a woman can sometimes stir up conflicting feelings.

Why is that?

Well ...  On one hand, there may be a sense of pride and accomplishment in providing for your family and breaking traditional gender roles. However, on the other hand, there can also be a burden of expectations and added pressure that comes with this responsibility.

Being a female breadwinner can come with its own set of challenges. Society often has certain expectations and traditional gender roles that can create pressures and even resentment within a relationship. It's important to acknowledge these influences and work together to find a balance that works for both partners.

Resentment  - when it is left to fester - can have a significant impact on a relationship, often eroding trust, communication, and overall happiness. When left unaddressed, resentment can create a toxic environment that undermines the foundation of the relationship. 

Resentment often leads to a breakdown in communication. Partners may struggle to express their true feelings, fears, and concerns, or they may engage in frequent arguments and conflicts. This breakdown hampers effective problem-solving, as open and honest dialogue becomes challenging.

Emotional Distance: When resentment takes hold, emotional distance often follows suit. Partners may find themselves becoming guarded, less willing to share their vulnerabilities and innermost thoughts. This emotional withdrawal creates a gap between them, preventing the deeper connection and intimacy necessary for a thriving relationship.

Lack of Trust: Resentment chips away at trust, one of the cornerstones of a healthy relationship. As negative feelings persist, trust can be replaced by suspicion, doubt, and skepticism. The resentful partner may question the intentions and actions of their significant other, hindering the establishment of a secure and supportive bond.

Decreased Intimacy: Resentment can lead to a decline in physical and emotional intimacy. As partners harbor negative feelings, the desire for closeness and connection can wane. This diminished intimacy can further exacerbate the resentment, creating a vicious cycle that is challenging to break.

Strained Partnership: Over time, resentment can strain the overall partnership, making it difficult to work together as a team. The lack of collaboration and support can hinder joint decision-making, shared responsibilities, and the ability to navigate life's challenges effectively.

Negative Impact on Well-being: Resentment not only affects the relationship itself but also takes a toll on individual well-being. The accumulation of negative emotions can lead to increased stress, anxiety, and overall dissatisfaction with life. This, in turn, can spill over into other aspects of life, exacerbating the strain on the relationship.

Steps to deal with Breadwinner Resentment

• Open and Honest Communication: Start by having open and honest conversations with your partner about the feelings of breadwinner resentment. Share your emotions, concerns, and frustrations in a non-confrontational manner. Create a safe space where both partners can express themselves without judgment.
• Understand Each Other's Perspectives: Take the time to understand each other's perspectives and experiences. Recognize that both partners contribute to the relationship and the household in different ways, even if one is the primary breadwinner. Foster empathy and try to see things from each other's point of view.
• Define Shared Responsibilities: Discuss and define the responsibilities and roles within the household. It's important to establish a fair division of labor that takes into account each partner's strengths, preferences, and availability. This can help reduce feelings of resentment by ensuring that both partners are actively contributing to the shared responsibilities.
• Appreciation and Gratitude: Express appreciation and gratitude for each other's contributions. Acknowledge and celebrate the efforts and sacrifices made by the breadwinning partner, as well as the contributions of the other partner, whether they are financial or non-financial. Regularly expressing gratitude can help foster a sense of mutual respect and minimize resentment.
• Equalize Decision-Making: Encourage equal participation in decision-making processes, regardless of financial contributions. Both partners should have a say in financial matters and other important decisions that impact the relationship and family. This fosters a sense of equality and shared responsibility, reducing the likelihood of resentment.
• Support Career Aspirations: Support each other's career aspirations and personal goals. Encourage growth, professional development, and pursuing passions outside of work. By nurturing each other's ambitions, you can create an environment that promotes fulfillment and personal satisfaction, which can help alleviate resentment.
• Seek Balance and Quality Time: Prioritize quality time together and maintain a healthy work-life balance. Make efforts to create shared experiences and moments of connection that go beyond financial contributions. This can help foster a sense of togetherness, strengthen the bond, and reduce resentment by emphasizing the importance of emotional well-being.
• Get Coaching Support: If the feelings of breadwinner resentment persist or become overwhelming, it may be beneficial to seek professional help from a coach, to help you navigate and resolve deeper underlying issues.

Remember, addressing breadwinner resentment requires open communication, understanding, and a willingness to work together as a team. By implementing these steps and prioritizing the emotional well-being of both partners, you can cultivate a healthier, more balanced dynamic within your relationship. 

Addressing Resentment is crucial not only for your health and well-being --- 

but also for the health and longevity of your relationship AND your career.

I know it's not an easy ask, and you need support from someone you can trust to coach you through the complex emotions,

 so that you can rebuild a healthier life for and those around you!

I would be honored to work with you to navigate this rocky landscape back to a place of healing and wellbeing. 

You can set up some to meet with me here:  https://bit.ly/3CDuMpw